


Even Now, I Don't Know The Answer

by shinayashipper



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: Angst, F/M, cliche shinaya feels trip ahead, shinaya - Freeform, this is old
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:31:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinayashipper/pseuds/shinayashipper
Summary: Shintaro Kisaragi was a young genius. He can answer every questions perfectly without even trying hard.But there are questions that even he do not know the answer.This is a repost from my wattpad. My very first ShinAya fic. It's very old, but I hope you will enjoy this brief feels trip.





	Even Now, I Don't Know The Answer

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is a repost from my wattpad! My very first ShinAya fic... from years ago. I just feel like sharing it here too. Please enjoy this classic shinaya feels trip!

I could still remember...  
That silly grin you had that shone in the middle of Spring...

~~~~~

"Hello! I am Ayano Tateyama, but please call me Ayano!" Said the brunette girl as she sat on her desk, which was beside mine. I glanced at her with the same bored look I had. She was a normal... cheerful girl who would instantly become popular. Well, as if I care about the popular part.  
"You are Shintaro Kisaragi, correct?" She asked, still with that smile that seemed to reach both of her ears. I looked at her and nodded. She beamed at me now. "Heheh, glad I'm right! I don't know what to do if I say your name wrong."  
Well, why did you bother saying it in the first place then?  
"Nice to meet you, Shintaro-kun. Ah, can I call you that? In exchange, you can call me Ayano! Or maybe Ayano-chan. Well, but maybe it will be awkward if you call me that, hahaha."  
She rubbed the back of her neck with a sheepish smile.  
And at the time I thought, 'What a weird girl.'

~~~~~

The school was boring.  
The same classroom, the same people, and the same test results.  
I sighed as I looked at the piece of paper that was now on my desk.  
100.  
Always.  
It was never change.  
"Shintaro, you got the perfect score again! Amazing!"  
And so did the cheerful compliment I always got from this girl.  
I glanced at her, murmurring "It's nothing." As she looked down at her own paper.  
67.  
Well, at least she was doing better than last time.  
"I'm still no good..."  
Well, she's right about that.  
But as she sighed and let out yet another cheerful grin, I never said anything.  
...She started to fold a paper crane from her test paper then.

~~~~~

"Shintaro, do you know what will happen if we made 1000 paper cranes?"  
She asked me one day after she finished making another paper crane from our last test paper.  
"...They grant your wish or something like that, right?" I answered, putting the 100 scored paper in my bag. Even if I didn't see it, I already know the result. It was never change.  
"Yeah! You know, Shintaro. If I manage to make 1000, I will wish for everyone's happiness."  
I raised an eyebrow.  
"Why not yours?"  
She laughed. Are you kidding? She was laughing... at me.  
I could feel my eye twitched. Only slightly, of course. There was no way something like this can break my cool and calm front. Absolutely no.  
"Well, Shintaro. Because everyone's happiness is my happiness." She finally said after she finished her laugh.  
I was still giving her weird look, she smiled at me. "When my family and friends are happy... I am happy too. When they are laughing, I feel this warm feeling inside my chest. When my siblings are not afraid, I feel like I am a hero." She started rambling while playing with the edge of her crimson muffler. And I never thought it was cute. Never.  
"When Takane-san and Haruka-san are together... happy together... I feel so... so happy..." she continued. I wonder why did she mentions that pig-tailed brat and Haruka. Well, as if I cared.  
"Also..." she turned her head at me now. Her cheeks turned rosy pink as she stared at me and she smiled a large yet sweet smile. Well, her smiles were always like that. But I never said it was cute. No. Never.  
"My biggest happiness is that... when I'm with you, Shintaro."  
...  
What.  
I was stunned.  
And my eyes were widening... slightly.  
Huh.  
....Well, I never expect she would say that.  
"...That's a weird happiness."  
"Heheheh! Well, if you made 1000 paper cranes, what will you wish for, Shintaro?" She was still smiling. Oh, geez. When will she at least stop smiling for a while? I wonder if her cheeks are hurt or something.  
"...For my life... to change, I guess..." I said, looking down at my desk. I could see she tilted her head slightly, smiling curiously at me. "Why do you want it to change?"  
"...Because... this kind of life... it's always the same. Nothing really changed. And if this keeps going, I am sure even if I die... I would soon be replaced. After all, my life is dull and colourless-" "How could you say that?"  
I blinked.  
So this girl could also say something with a cold tone.  
I looked at her, and she was having this hard look on her face.  
No smile. Huh.  
I never thought I would miss that smile immediately.  
"Shintaro, every people has a purpose in living. No life is useless. No one is dull. Nothing is colourless. You can say that, because you still haven't know what is your true purpose in this life. I know you are not just 'a genius middle schooler boy with the IQ of 168'! Don't say something like you 'will be replaced once you died'! Because every living beings are not the same! Of course you cannot replace each other! Please don't say something like that again, Shintaro..."  
I looked at her.  
Eyes widening in every words she said.  
"...Then..." I finally said after a moment of silence.  
"...I wish I will know my purpose on living soon."  
With this, she beamed at me.  
"Oh of course you will know it soon!"  
Huh...  
I guess having her here was not that bad...

~~~~~

"Shintaro! Wait!"  
I could hear her steps coming closer to me.  
No. Stop.  
"Why did you leave me?" She was finally beside me, a sweat running through her flushing cheeks as she was trying to catch some breath.  
No.  
Leave.  
"Why do you always following me around?" I said in my usual cold and harsh tone.  
"E-eh... well, we are friends, right? I mean... friends are always together, right?"  
No.  
Leave.  
If you are with me... I will only cause you pain.  
"...Leave me alone..." I said.  
I could see her eyes widening.  
No.  
Just... leave already.  
"If... If it's because of the confession... I-I am alright if you.. if you reject me. I mean... we can still be friends so..."  
Stop.  
"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!" I snapped at her.  
No.  
It was not your fault.  
No, Ayano.  
I just never thought you will confess your feelings to me.  
I just never thought you felt that way for me.  
I just...  
I do not want anything to change.  
So please...  
Leave.  
"I won't leave you."  
No.  
"You are so annoying."  
I ran.  
I just ran.  
I just ran away.  
I ran and I never looking back.  
No.  
This is for the best.  
Ayano will find a better guy.  
The guy who will never abandon her feelings and will care for her forever.  
Ayano will be happy.  
And we can still stay the same.  
She will still give me that bright ears-reaching smiles.  
And I will just ignore her.  
She will compliments me for my tests.  
And I will never comment anything on her bad result.  
She will folds the paper cranes.  
And I will just sit there beside her, watching.  
And she will eventually reachs 1000 paper cranes.  
And I will...  
...  
What will I do?  
Well, I will know soon, right?  
After all, nothing will change.  
Nothing at all.

~~~~~

"She hitted the ground... head first."  
"They said they couldn't tell it was her if not because of her student ID and red scarf."  
"Her family was so shocked."  
"Poor girl. I wonder what cause her to do that."  
No.  
I hate it.  
People keep talking about her.  
I hate it.  
I hate that flower vase on her desk.  
I hate how the people surround her desk and crying.  
I hate it when that chair beside mine is empty.  
I hate it.  
I hate how I can't even do anything.  
What will happen if I say something to her when she was crying back in middle school?  
What will happen if I accept her feelings on that day she confessed to me?  
What will happen if I didn't leave her in that road?  
What will happen if I never let go of her hands?  
What will happen if I was being honest?  
Everything will change, I know.  
But what if it changed for the better?  
...  
Even I, Shintaro Kisaragi, the genius boy with the IQ of 168, do not know the answer.


End file.
